JibJab 2007 in Review

Dilbert makes me laugh.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Pretty.

http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=2128043356&size=o

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Audi

NOTE: Although many of you know the issues and continued cash cow my Audi was, I maintain that it was an amazing car:  great ride, very safe, looked good... that year just ahd problems.  Here is a testament to the safety of the Audi make:

The VW Vortex forums cough up this one... the Vee Dub guys can be counted upon even when the concern is one of their German brethren.

Here we see the results of a horrific crash in Luxembourg, between an Audi RS6 and...



...an identical RS6? No, it's only one car. This car went airborne at a high rate of speed (to say the least), hit a tree and was cut in half as a result.



They say a true test of a car is how well it gives up its own life to save its driver's, and in this particular crash the Audi did a completely remarkable job. Here we see the driver side -- although the rest of the vehicle is practically obliterated, the driver's area is practically untouched.



And in fact not only did the driver survive, he used his mobile to call for emergency services, and the folks from the ambulance helped him to get out and walk away from the vehicle. He was hospitalized for only a few hours and wound up with little more than a bandage on his pinky.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

For the record everyone...

... my job is currently to listen to recorded phone conversation and flag the personal calls.  So far it's been 14 out of 5126...5217...5128. 

So that's why I've been really... active.. in the emails.  That and...



--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

I just snort-laughed.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

TOP QUOTES OF 2007

TOP QUOTES OF 2007

According to Fred R. Shapiro, the editor of the Yale Book of Quotations. (via J-Walk Blog)

1. "Don't Tase me, bro." -- Andrew Meyer

2. "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us." -- Lauren Upton

3. "In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country." -- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

4. "That's some nappy-headed hos there." -- Don Imus

5. I don't recall." -- Alberto Gonzales

6. "There's only three things he (Rudy Giuliani) mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11." -- Joseph Biden

7. "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody (Dick Cheney) who has a 9 percent approval rating." -- Harry Reid

8. "(I have) a wide stance when going to the bathroom." -- Larry Craig

9. "I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." -- Joe Biden

10. "I think as far as the adverse impact on the nation around the world, this administration has been the worst in history." -- Jimmy Carter

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

If you can think it...

...someone has a blog dedicated to it.

Meet http://nadshot.com/

An entire blog dedicated to comic book images of men... um... getting hit in the... twig and berries?  Their "meat and two veg"? Their "boys in the basement"?  Their "Mary-kate and Ashleys"…?

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Rainbow poo wallpaper.

What will they think of next?  Click the picture to go to the site for more images.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Sherri Shephard... whoa.

Sherri Shepherd's Top 5 Moments Of 2007: Hitting Her Kid, Sleep Orgasms, Pondering Jesus And Asking If The World Is Flat - Media on The Huffington Post
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2007/12/24/sherri-shepherds-top-5-m_n_77377.html ---

MythBusters Unedited - Do Pretty Girls Fart?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHcDP_Yew-g

I have laughed until my cheeks hurt from trying to be quiet at my desk.

If nothing else, go to 4:00 in.  It's worth it.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

And now for motivation from the other side.

             

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

File Under: Too Much Time

Giggle

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Tis the truth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTzXJMU1sLc

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Hope your Christmas...

isn't half-assed.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://www.virgored.com/read.htm

Love affair

The Snow Fairy

http://media.doozycards.com/media/4560.swf

May she sprinkle your day with holiday delight.

Safe for work, sound is kinda required.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

It's hard to be like me.

Truth in Advertising

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

What you don't know about Charlie Brown's Christmas

In my mind, the Christmas season doesn't officially start until CBS shows A Charlie Brown Christmas. Who out there doesn't picture Snoopy dancing joyfully with his nose in the air whenever they hear the familiar strains of that jazzy piano music? Interestingly enough, this Christmas staple - the longest-running holiday special on TV - started out as an afterthought.

The Original Dog-umentary

Back in 1963, TV producer Lee Mendelson had the idea to make a documentary film about cartoonist Charles Schulz and his popular Peanuts comic strip. Schulz agreed, and collaborated with animator Bill Melendez to create two minutes of the first-ever animated Peanuts footage. The rest of the special featured "Sparky" Schulz in his studio, driving his kids to school, and even bowling a few frames. Songwriter Vince Guaraldi agreed to write some original music for the special, and the first composition he came up with was an incredibly catchy tune he called "Linus and Lucy."

The Peanuts documentary never sold, but one of the interested advertisers included Coca-Cola. Executives from the soft drink giant asked Mendelson if he'd be interested in putting together an animated Peanuts Christmas special. Within a few days, Mendelson and Schulz had the outline of a script ready, with notes like "sad Christmas tree," "school play," and "ice skating" scribbled in the margins. The "Lucy and Linus" song was resurrected for use in a scene that featured the characters dancing at their play rehearsal, and a choir of children were gathered from a Bay Area (California) church to record vocals for "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing."

Why Snoopy Gets all the Action Scenes

When it came to actually producing the special, Charlie Brown was truly a problem child. Unlike most of the other characters, Chuck's head was completely round, which made it difficult for the animators to turn and indicate movement from side to side. Snoopy, on the other hand, was the easiest character to manipulate, which is why they had fun making him do everything from the jitterbug to impersonating a vulture.

The Blockheads at CBS Hate It (then change their minds)

When CBS executives previewed A Charlie Brown Christmas, they were vastly underwhelmed. There was just so much wrong with it. There was not enough action. It moved too slow. The voices had been done by real kids, not adult actors. There was no laugh track. And Linus read from the Gospel of Luke in one scene. ("You can't read from the Bible on network television!" they declared in unison.) At the end of the meeting, Mendelson was told: "Well, you gave it a good shot. Believe me, we're big Peanuts fans, but maybe it's better suited to the comic page."

But CBS had made a commitment to their sponsor, so they aired the special as scheduled on December 9, 1965. And, as often happens in the world of entertainment, the original gut reaction of the suits was completely wrong. A Charlie Brown Christmas drew in 15.4 million viewers, placing it second in the ratings that week after Bonanza. A few months later, Charles Schulz and Lee Mendelson found themselves onstage accepting an Emmy Award for Outstanding Children's Program. (See? Christmas really is the season for miracles.)

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Today's Cute Kitty

I sense that some poor cat owner will die in their sleep.  Cats steal your breath, donchaknow?

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Blond Postage

 A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

 The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Well, then, give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."


--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Poor Santa

Jonathan Darkow /
Columbia Daily Tribune

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

YouTube: Alzheimer's

I get pretty emotional when I'm tired or hungover (or both).  I start the day out with a bit of dreariness, then cranky, then it calms down then the afternoon is usually full of bouncing between happy and the edge of tears.

I lost it watching this video.

Too. Freakin. Adorable.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

My face

Google Images now has a Face Only search feature...

there are some handsome Chris Stewarts out there!

http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&um=1&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&q=%22 chris+stewart%22&btnG=Search+Images&imgtype=face

To see what your the face of your alterna-me is like, replace my name in bold/underline in the url above with your name using a plus sign '+' for a space

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Bad joke of the day

What Did the Bolt of Fabric Tell His Daughter When She Threatened to Run Away to India?

... scroll down ...

"Go ahead ... you'll be sari."

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Captain Awesome, is it?

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Laugh. Out. Loud.

(For the uninitiated, "pwned" is a term used in online gaming as a euphemism for "I just kicked yer ass" - see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwn)

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Things you didn't know about the human body.

http://view.break.com/417498 - Watch more free videos

Numa Numa

Most people have seen the original Numa Numa video... you know you're reached internet stardom when people start doing avant-garde performances of your geeky internet video

Cool video... and song.

Menopause

LET US GO, MY SISTERS, INTO THE WIND!! AHAAHHAAHAHAHAA!!!

ABBA: Great music... weird videos

Instant Messaging Love Song

Let's say I break into your house

[Note:  the following is presented as a thought-provoking point-of-view, and may not represent the opinion of the sender.  Or maybe it does.  You mileage may vary.]

A lady recently wrote a letter to the Editor:

Her point:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration.

Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house...  Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave.
But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house)

According to the protesters:
You are Required to let me stay in your house
You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan
You are Required to Educate my kids
You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family
(my husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house and what a deal it is for me!!!

I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold, uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and
bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can communicate with me.


Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?! Only in America. Share it if you see the value of it.



--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

A Must read.....Don't Drink From Hotel Glasses

Ew.

Unbelievable....           Click here: Don't Ever Drink From Hotel Glasses

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Annoyingly cute video of the day

Neato Friday Fotos

Between the seconds/great photography       Boy, this has to be one quick shutter!   BETWEEN THE SECONDS With the click of a shutter sometimes we become privy to the strange world that occurs between the seconds.

Evil Eye

This kitty can't handle the holidays.

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

Regular Everyday Normal Guy Rap Song

This is hilarious.  And he's cute.

NSFW (Not Safe for Work due to some language... depending on where you work)

--
~Chris Stewart~
virgored@gmail.com
Here's what I'm reading: http://snipurl.com/ChrisReads

File Under: Only me.

So I'm sitting at my desk with my headphones on listening to NPR, minding my own business.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, I turn and remove my headphones and smile.  There is a lady that works on my floor there.  She says, "Excuse me, I believe this is my cup" referring to the mug of hot cocoa I just finished, that I took from the sink and washed earlier this morning.  Before I can say anything, she grabs it and says "I kind of have a sentimental attachment to it" and walks away, leaving me dumbfounded.

I'm considering tracking her down and taking a Sharpie to her and saying "since you obviously don't have one, here's a Sharpie to mark your property so that this unfortunate situation doesn't happen again."

Or making a sign with an arrow that says, "Dishes that are of sentimental value that one doesn't want anyone else to use should be placed HERE, to avoid making other employees feel uncomfortable by being confronted when unknowingly using them. "